my gender identity is not a verb

ava-marx: angrybanette: lgbt-help: How to tell a trans person...

Sun, 27 May 2012 17:10:40 +1000

angrybanette:

lgbt-help:

How to tell a trans person they are beautiful

omfg fucking perfect i almost cried

I think I reblogged this before, but here it is again.

I’ve yet to finalise the middle name that I want but I’m debating picking one that...

Thu, 24 May 2012 18:53:00 +1000

I’ve yet to finalise the middle name that I want but I’m debating picking one that begins with E so that my initials spell QED and I can make jokes about the latin phrase QED

In terms of my transition, this is what’s been happening lately: Got a referral to the gender...

Thu, 24 May 2012 15:52:54 +1000

In terms of my transition, this is what’s been happening lately:

Got a referral to the gender clinic from my GP
I will probably change my name (legally to Quinnten) next month
I will go to the gender clinic sometime in the next month and talk to the psychs and get assessed and hopefully get on hormones soon

On the inside

Thu, 24 May 2012 15:49:31 +1000

swankivy:

I’m seeing this too often and I want it to stop.

I talk about asexuality and someone responds with “I know what that’s like, because sometimes my sex drive is low and I don’t want sex at all. And you don’t see me calling it ‘asexual.’”

A demisexual person talks about the difference between normative sexuality and demisexuality, and someone responds with “I sometimes have sex with people I’m not attracted to. And I didn’t want to have sex with my partner until I knew hir better. You don’t see me calling it ‘demisexual.’”

A gray-asexual person talks about the difference between normative sexuality and graysexuality, and someone responds with “So what? Sounds like you’re just really picky. I don’t want to have sex with everything that moves either, and you don’t see me calling it ‘graysexual.’”

People, people. The reason folks are identifying with these labels that seem so useless, irrelevant, and redundant to you is that they are not having your experience. They are using these words because they relate to sexuality differently than those with normatively sexual relationships. What are you getting out of it by walking into a room and saying “Excuse me, I don’t understand your experience or why you say it’s any different from mine, so I am going to assign you a Special Snowflake complex whenever I can’t process your reality”?

Enough with the anecdotes, folks. We understand that you don’t get it. We understand that you think we simply enjoy creating microcategories to describe ourselves, perhaps because (like many people who confuse behavior with orientation) you believe we think sexuality is icky and that we want to separate ourselves from being lumped in with icky people. We understand that from the outside, asexuality looks like abstinence, demisexuality looks like slow-growing normative relationships, and graysexuality looks like being picky. But that’s the point. From the outside, that’s what it looks like. That’s what it looks like if you judge us by what you see on the surface instead of listening to what we say.

From the inside, moving through a sexual world without relating to it normatively is significant and influential, especially during our formative years. People who are gray and demi identify that way partly because they experience the world the way non-gray/non-demi asexuals do much or most of the time. They have a partially or primarily ace experience in their lives, and they find it useful to involve themselves with other ace-spectrum people who get it. I haven’t seen as much confusion here over non-gray and non-demi asexuals as long as they don’t have sex and make everything “confusing,” but for what it’s worth, asexuals who aren’t willing to have sex often get told they’re either gay in denial or not-at-all-special straight prudes. We’re really not trying to look special by using these words. We’re trying to communicate with you, and hoping you’ll understand our experience instead of mocking it.

But here’s the thing. We’d love you to understand us, but we’re not asking for your permission. On the inside, we find these divisions and labels useful while talking about our attractions or lack thereof. On the inside, we have helpful and enjoyable conversations about our experiences once we have the words to describe them. On the inside, we find fellowship and understanding, and we don’t need anyone’s blessing to do that. We aren’t specifically “trying to exclude” anyone by acknowledging that there IS an inside. Don’t take it as an offense that you are naturally excluded from a group that’s having a different experience from you. Don’t look at us and say “I don’t relate to this at all, and I don’t like that they’re naming it and acting like it’s real.” We’re not doing that to you. We acknowledge that you exist. We don’t try to tear you down and say your relationships don’t need words.

If this is not your experience, you are outside. And that’s completely okay. It’s not a fence that’s dividing us. It’s not a suggestion that we’re on different levels of any kind, or that any group has a right to look down on the other. It’s not some wall we’re putting up to tell you to stay out of our space—that isn’t what we’re asking. But when you—you who identify as a majority-group sexuality—look at a minority group and tell them to stop annoying you by talking about themselves, you’re telling them that only your experience is real and important. And you’re doing that with the power of the status quo behind you.

There’s nothing wrong with just telling us you don’t share our experience. We aren’t asking you to. Ally with us, or ignore us if we’re just too annoying to you, but don’t tell us to stop using words to talk about who we are, and don’t reduce our identity to a childish ploy to shame “sexual people.” We don’t think of it like that at all, and the main places I’ve seen that attitude thrown around are cases of non-ace-spectrum people putting those words in our mouths. (And I’m sure someone could find an ace person behaving poorly and quote hir while representing hir words as our prevailing attitude, but seriously. No.)

If you’re quoting our definitions and telling the world how you just don’t get why our experience is in any way non-normative, you’re by definition not having our experience and it’s therefore not yours to describe. If your experience isn’t our experience, don’t tell us how to talk about it.

Not from the outside.

"You are a perfectly acceptable human being right now, this minute. You are just as valid as any..."

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:03:06 +1000

“

You are a perfectly acceptable human being right now, this minute. You are just as valid as any other human being, without changing a single thing about yourself. That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to want to grow, evolve or improve yourself, or you can’t do better sometimes, it just means right now this instant, you are worthy of your own self love. Even if it is hard to love yourself sometimes (and boy, is it!), or you’re struggling with some really difficult stuff in your life, you still deserve it.

So dearest you, be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and give the best version of you that you can give, but know that even in the tough times, you are still valid, worthy and deserving of your own self love.

”

- Source: Fat Heffalump (via goodgirls-like-to-sin)

"Instead of trying to fictionalize gender, let’s talk about the moments in life when gender feels all..."

Mon, 21 May 2012 22:29:01 +1000

“Instead of trying to fictionalize gender, let’s talk about the moments in life when gender feels all too real. Because gender doesn’t feel like drag when you’re a young trans child begging your parents not to cut your hair or not to force you to wear that dress. And gender doesn’t feel like a performance when, for the first time in your life, you feel safe and empowered enough to express yourself in ways that resonate with you, rather than remaining closeted for the benefit of others. And gender doesn’t feel like a construct when you finally find that special person whose body, personality, identity, and energy feels like a perfect fit with yours. Let’s stop trying to deconstruct gender into nonexistence, and instead start celebrating it as inexplicable, varied, profound, and intricate.”

- Julia Serano (via becomingkeltik)

“So don’t you dare dismiss my gender as construct, drag, or performance. My gender is a work of non-fiction.” (from this performance piece)

"Sex is no more an immutable binary than is gender. There are intersex people who are born with..."

Sun, 20 May 2012 20:17:09 +1000

“

Sex is no more an immutable binary than is gender. There are intersex people who are born with non-binary genitalia, as I have already mentioned. There are people with hormonal anomalies. In fact, hormone levels vary wildly within the categories of cis male and cis female. Chromosomes, too, vary. If you thought “XX” and “XY” were the only two possible combinations, you have some serious googling to do. In addition to variations like XXY, XXYY, or X, sometimes cis people find out that they are genetically the “opposite” of what they though they were– that is, a ‘typical’ cis man can be XX, a ‘normal’ cis woman can be XY.

The fact is that the concept of binary sex is based on the fallacious idea that multiple sex characteristics are immutable and must always go together, when in fact many of them can be changed, many erased, and many appear independently in different combinations. “Female” in sex binary terms means having breasts, having a vagina, having a womb, not having a lot of body hair, having a high-pitched voice, having lots of estrogen, having a period, having XX chromosomes. “Male” means having a penis, not having breasts, producing sperm, having body hair, having a deep voice, having lots of testosterone, having XY chromosomes. Yet it is possible to isolate, alter, and remove many of these traits. Many of these traits do not always appear together, and before puberty and after menopause, many of them do not apply.

”

- Asher Bauer (via inherhipstheresrevolutions)

Everyone, read this. The male/female body dichotomy is a myth.

(via dearcissexism)

so there’s a video on my dash and it’s about mothers and it just shows various families...

Sun, 20 May 2012 20:02:08 +1000

so there’s a video on my dash and it’s about mothers and it just shows various families in different countries getting up in the morning and having breakfast and sending their kids off to school and off to whatever sports activities they did and being supportive of them and proud of them

and it just hurts that i will never have that

my mother is not that kind of mother. she has never been supportive of me, she does not love me enough or care enough about me to support me and be proud of me. i can’t come out to her because when i told her i liked girls (and this was a long time before i realised i was trans) she outed me to a lot of people and she is still doing that (now those people, i don’t know how many or who exactly, but i know some family members i don’t speak to know and i did not want them to know, and some of them i did want to know but didn’t get a chance to tell them myself because i was fucking outed by my mother who seems to think it’s okay). and she will never accept it. she will always treat me as her “little girl” and she will never call me quinnten because she can’t even use my legal name that i have

i will never have that kind of relationship with her because she is a terrible person and a terrible parent and i’m not having kids so i’ll never get to have that relationship with them

and the kicker here is that my mother wanted a good relationship with her kids (my brother and i) and she didn’t want to be manipulative and abusive like her mother, and would you look at that, she’s turned into her mother and she still doesn’t see it

she will never see me as her son, and she could if she could just be accepting and supportive but she isn’t

she has these ridiculous expectations of me and she has tried to make me fit into those despite the fact that she’s said “i love you, be whoever you want to be” over the years

i know she wanted a “girly-girl” daughter

a daughter who loved boys and ballet and was popular and someone my mother could be best friends with

and i am none of those things

(well i am attracted to boys but that’s not the point here)

i do not reach her unrealistic expectations of me

i never will

i can’t

and even if i could make myself, i’d be completely miserable

and she hates me for it, she hates me for the fact that i am not the daughter she expected to have

she wanted a mini-me, a fucking accessory

and she got a sick child, born with the wrong body, who has struggled with every single aspect of his life, who has numerous developmental delays and medical conditions that make everything so hard

fuck this is really long now

and i just have a lot of feelings over this

kudos if you read all of this btw

okay yeah i need to finish this essay all right bye folks

Links & Resources.

Sun, 13 May 2012 12:00:53 +1000

reclusiveessence:

thatfeministdyke:

Feminism

Finally, A Feminism 101 Blog - Frequently Answered Questions

Feminist Literature (Tumblr)

Feminist texts written by women of color (Tumblr)

fuckyeahfeminists (Tumblr)

grrrlpower (Tumblr)

Racism, Race, & Culture

Institutional/Structural Racism Within a Context: A Historical Glimpse at the Concept of “Race”

Definitions - Racism Free Ontario Initiative

Different Forms of Racism

What is a Microaggression? What are Racial Microagressions?

Appropriation vs. Appreciation

A Look at the Myth of Reverse Racism

Who are People of Colour? Why can’t I use the term “coloured”?

Colourblindness: Colorblind Ideology is a Form of Racism

The Angry Eye (YouTube)

Racialicious (Tumblr)

ladyatheist (Tumblr)

Sizeism & Body Positivity

Truth Behind Fat: References

Obesity, Health, and Metabolic Fitness

Don’t You Realize Fat Is Unhealthy?

Diets Don’t Work, But…

Reality vs. Relativism

THE HAES MANIFESTO (pdf)

Fat Acceptance FAQ

redefiningbodyimage (Tumblr)

GSM (Gender & Sexuality Minorities)

Project Queer (Tumblr)

TransWhat?

Trans* Awareness (Tumblr)

Trans Etiquette 101: No Offense, But That’s Offensive (Tumblr)

Cissexism, Transphobia, & Cissupremacy. (Tumblr)

So what’s a genderqueer, eh? (Tumblr)

Gender Neutral Pronoun Blog

Ableism

The Spoon Theory written by Christine Miserandino

Ableist Word Profile

Don’t Support Autism Speaks

I’m Autistic, But Autism Speaks Doesn’t Speak for Me.

An Autistic Speaks About Autism Speaks

Why I am against Autism Speaks (Tumblr)

Privilege

Checking Your Privilege 101 (pdf)

Male privilege checklist (pdf)

White Privilege Checklist (pdf)

Binary-Gender Privilege Checklist

Cis Privilege Checklist

Heterosexual privilege checklist (pdf)

Checklist of Neurotypical Privilege

Christian Privilege Checklist

Christian Privileges in American Society: Hidden Ways Christians are Privileged

Privilege even in veganism

Vegan Privilege

Reproductive Health

Facts on Induced Abortion in the United States

Planned Parenthood - Services (pdf)

Classism

What Is Classism?

Misc/Other

Derailing for Dummies

Reblog Must!

Trans Etiquette 101: No Offense, But That’s Offensive

Sat, 12 May 2012 15:55:52 +1000

Trans Etiquette 101: No Offense, But That’s Offensive:

pronounnotfound:

transpride:

1. Ask permission to ask questions. Even if you think you know they are comfortable answering, they may actually not be or maybe not in that setting, and it is just rude and pretty off-putting to not ask. Say, “Hey do you mind if I ask you some things about your transition? I’ve been a little curious – feel free to not answer or say no.”

2. Avoid private and personal questions. Even a so-called open book like me doesn’t want to discuss my sex life with most anyone. If you really want to know about trans men and sex, ask in general terms – i.e. “Are many trans men ‘stone butch’ in bed?” vs. “Are you stone butch in bed?” BIG difference.

3. Do not ask questions that in any way challenge the trans person’s gender identity or expression or could obviously lead to dysphoria. Do NOT, for example, ask if a trans man will grow to be ‘average male height’ or if a trans woman is uncomfortable with the size of her hands. I’ve gotten, “Are you ever going to look your age?” Ouch, honey.

4. Phrase your questions in a way that affirms a trans person’s gender. And avoid anything that defines the trans person in terms of who they once “were.” This is pretty simple, actually. Instead of asking if someone is “still legally female,” ask what the steps are to becoming legally male and if they have completed them.

5. Avoid comparisons to non-trans people and never use the term “real” in distinguishing between transgender and non-transgender people. “Cisgender” or “non-trans” are the only appropriate ways to signify non-trans status.

6. If it is a general question, try Google first. There is a lot of information on the internet and an open trans person should not be a stand-in for your own research.

7. Do not ask what the person’s birth name was. There is absolutely no reason for you to need to know this and it is likely something this person wants distance from. It is a particularly offensive question when phrased, “What is your REAL name.” After all, Sebastian is my real name and has been since I started asking people to use it.

8. Request specific permission to ask questions relating to genitalia, even if you’ve already received general permission to ask other personal questions. “Are you comfortable discussing your genitalia?” Chances are they aren’t. After all, do you want to talk about yours? But some people are and I acknowledge that there is definitely education needed on the topic so I am not opposed entirely to asking questions, as long as you get extra permission first.

9. Be wary of your phrasing. If you aren’t sure how to talk about trans issues, you need to announce that in the beginning. Be open to correction and don’t get defensive if a trans person is offended by something you say. As a heads up, don’t refer to a trans person as their previously-assigned gender – don’t say “when you were a girl” to a trans man for example. A more accurate and safer route is “before you transitioned” or “when you were living as a girl.”

10. Be aware of your setting. These are private conversations. Don’t approach someone at a crowded party or in algebra class and expect them to have a trans chat with you.

11. Be sensitive to the person’s comfort level throughout the conversation. If they’ve given you permission but are obviously growing uncomfortable discussing things, don’t press. Be grateful for the information you’ve gained and change the subject.

12. Respect the person’s privacy. Unless this person stated otherwise, the personal information they gave you is not for you to share with the world.

verdigrisfille: wadeinthefire: booksandzines: ellierantsforeve...

Tue, 08 May 2012 21:18:38 +1000

verdigrisfille:

wadeinthefire:

booksandzines:

ellierantsforever:

genderedintelligence:

The Trans Youth Sexual Health booklet was produced by trans people aged 16-24 at Gendered Intelligence, in partnership with Terrence Higgins Trust. The project allowed young trans people to get together as a group and learn about sexual health, and also to discuss how to make sexual health information more relevant to trans people. As a result, a group of young people produced this information booklet, which is aimed at trans youth and their partners.

Check out the full pdf here. Hard copies can be ordered here.

this is really good.

Brilliant.

BRB READING

Important resources to have in this world!

mattransitions: I admit it: I’m jealous. I’m jealous of the cis guys who had the boyhood I would...

Tue, 08 May 2012 21:16:38 +1000

mattransitions:

I admit it: I’m jealous.

I’m jealous of the cis guys who had the boyhood I would die for and almost did. I’m jealous of their dad and mum who call them son. I’m jealous of the stubble on their faces, the low rumble of their voice, the way their chest could never be mistaken for anything else.

I know that boys and men and guys aren’t their youth or combined body parts. I know I’m just as much of a boy, a man as them, but I can’t help but feel anger and jealously flip over inside me because I was “born a girl” and my family won’t ever let me forget this.

It’s at it’s all time worst, this whole family business. It’s hard to swallow her and she and miss, but I think I choked on “You can want to be a boy all you want, but you’ll never be one” the other day and “I don’t want to ever understand” is something I won’t soon forget.

The truth is I need to leave. The sooner, the faster, the fucking better. If I go back to college, if I stay here… I don’t know how much more I can take. I certainly can’t take two more years of it though.

I’m just done. I’ve given up on them, but I have friends and a boyfriend who love me, so that’s something to look at and smile about.

Is it so hard to get people to use the correct name/pronoun? Do I really have to remind people?...

Tue, 08 May 2012 21:13:00 +1000

Is it so hard to get people to use the correct name/pronoun? Do I really have to remind people? It’s really not that hard to try to use the right pronouns.

Sweden Adopts a Gender-Neutral Pronoun

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 12:02:47 +1000

Sweden Adopts a Gender-Neutral Pronoun

"Among my male and female friends, there are a few who are of either a completely Uranian..."

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 12:01:18 +1000

“

Among my male and female friends, there are a few who are of either a completely Uranian [transgender] or a bisexual disposition. I have found these individuals far above average in terms of intelligence, ability, sensitivity, and personal charm. I empathize deeply with them, for I know that their sufferings are of a larger and more complex sort than those of ordinary people.

It is a tragedy, I feel, that people of a different sexual type are caught in a world which shows so little understanding for homosexuals, is so crassly indifferent to the various gradations and variations of gender and their great significance in life.

”

- Emma Goldman, queer and trans positive in 1934. Eighty years later some in the feminist movement are still catching up … (via nothingisholy)

#Jack Sparrow: Accepting You for Whatever Gender You Decide to...

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 12:04:15 +1000

#Jack Sparrow: Accepting You for Whatever Gender You Decide to Be Since 2003

"Queer people do not need to offer excuses or defend their own existence. If one could become queer..."

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 14:54:31 +1000

“Queer people do not need to offer excuses or defend their own existence. If one could become queer by simply waking up one morning and deciding to become queer, for a day, for an hour, it wouldn’t change the fact that being queer is just as good, as valid, as worthy, as being straight. Providing straight people with reasons or excuses for our queerness simply confirms their suspicions that our sexuality really is their business and that we need to justify our existence to them. This allows heterosexists to continue to believe there is something superior about heterosexuality, and that being queer is a deviation from some kind of normal or default sexuality. There isn’t and it’s not.

We don’t need to justify ourselves to anyone. We don’t need a reason to be queer. Maybe we were born this way, maybe we weren’t. Maybe sexuality is fluid for some people and not for others. It’s totally irrelevant either way. The message we need to send to heterosexists is not that our sexuality was foisted upon us and that they should be “tolerant” and “understanding”. The message is: our sexuality is perfectly valid and none of your business, we offer you no excuses, and we are never going away.”

- » Fauxgress Watch: “Born This Way” Social Justice League (via transformfeminism)

About to send a message to my crush to tell her I hope she feels well again soon, and I’ve...

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 12:35:12 +1000

About to send a message to my crush to tell her I hope she feels well again soon, and I’ve just realised I haven’t come out to her yet and I changed my name on facebook and I haven’t told her my new name.

maxthieriotluvr: “What about the rainbow pin on your bag?”

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 12:02:27 +1000

maxthieriotluvr:

“What about the rainbow pin on your bag?”

WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 19:38:28 +1000

shhh